Piggy’s little Blog

Don’t lie to youself you are fat.

Finding a reason to train….

If you, like I did at one time have decided to take up running, swimming or just physical fitness then find yourself a reason to do so because if you do not find a reason, you will fail.

It is true.

You will fail.

My best half marathon time was logged in at 2:46, this personal best was achieved at the Royal Victoria Marathon in 2006 when I was running the race in memory of my grandmother and grandfather. This reason, the decision to run it for them motivated me to contunie through the tough training days, it gave me the motavation to hobble my way across the finsh line even though I was injured. And at the end it gave me a gratification that I was doing something for them, it was in the end 21km of memories.

Now your reason dose not have to be profound, just give yourself some sort of motivation to move forward, your body can only do half of the work, your mind will be your greatest barrier in achieving your goals. Finding a reason to train, something personal to you and only to you will push your legs that extra mile, give you that extra push when you feel you can’t go on….

 

Oink, Oink my friends…

 

orgnial blog post found at https://jbingham82.wordpress.com

May 13, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , | 1 Comment

Deciding to Train….

I recently started to read once again…John Bingham’s book “Running for mortals” and found this amazing quote …..

                                      “The first step—Deciding to train—-transfoms more ‘mortals’ into adult-onsdet athletes

                                          than the last step across the finish line”

This quote is so VERY, VERY TRUE…….

And here I go again….it’s time to train…..for the 2009 Victoria Marathon!!!!!

I am perfectly scared shitless this time though….it will be my 4th Half- marathon and I am more nevous about this one than I have been about other runs….

I am not going to worry about my finishing time this time though but I am however going to train as hard as my pudgy little body will let me…..

This is where I will vent my frustration, and my injurys instead of a weight loss blog I will be switching the gears on this blog to include my training schedule so anyone interested in learning how to run a half marathon or what they should do can ask me…..I can tell you what works for me and what dosen’t but most of all I will share my failures and my success’s with you….

 

Oink, Oink my friends…

 

orginal blog post found at https://jbingham82.wordpress.com

May 12, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Finding greatness in your “failures”

On May 3rd 2009 I laced up my shoes, stood beside the crowds on a great sunny Sunday Morning that only the city of Vancouver can offer, and stood at the start line of the 2009 Vancouver Half Marathon. This was not my first marathon, in fact it was my third. I stood there, beside that crazy part of society that pushes the human body to itsouter most limits just because they enjoy the sport of running.

This marathon was important to me. I, for months had decided that I would like to finish the 21km distance in under 2 hours and 30 minuites. I was instant on this time, for some strange reason this time was so very very important to me, somehow acheiveing this time would validate me as a runner, finally validate myself as an athlete.

I was properly trained for the run, I had put in the kilometers on my treadmill that I need to put in, lost weight that I needed to loose to get my body in better shape to run the 21km distance. I was ready, and focused. Then out of no where, a leg injury prevented me from running 2 weeks prior to the run. This pain plagued me, every time I walked it hurt. I was mad, I could not believe that after all my hard work and training that this stupid injury would prevent me from acheiving my goal. My very important goal. In the days leading up to the run my leg started to feel better, then the worst possible thing happened. I got sick. Fever, coughing, sweating when its 5 degrees out, sick. I could barely walk up a flight of stairs without coughing up a lung, and all of this happend 2 days before the run.

So, I thought about not doing the run. Giving in to the sickness, the pains in my leg. Then I decided to do it. And at the start line I stood, hacking up a lung but I was standing there. After all my hours of training, I had earned the right to run this race, I had earned the right to run.

The beinging 5km was alright. I was coughing, and breathing became a problem because I was all stuffed up. I saw my boyfriend and sister at this point and seeing their faces gave me the motivation to move forward, to finish the rest of the 15km. I was already tired, and the finish line seemed like it was 18 milllion miles away. I started to feel dizzy, the effects of dehydration started to kick in at about the 8km mark.

And then it happend….

My greatest fear …….

My “IT band” which is a muscle that runs from your knee to your upper thigh snapped at the 10km mark and my leg locked up. I could not bend my leg, I could not do anything. A person working a first aid stand pulled me aside and asked me if I was alright, I said yes. He said it would not be advisble to finish the race, that I wouldn’t be able to run it. He patted me on the back, said good luck and away I went hobbling towards a distant finish line.

At that point I wanted to quit. I was in so much pain, so stuffed up, and coughing constantly basically I wanted to quit. I wanted to just leave the race. I started walking, I could no longer run. I was in tears, after all my hard work, after all the weight I had lost I had now failed. I felt horrible.

So I hobbled a kilometer and my leg started to losen up a bit, when 3 ladies who were memebers of the “team in training” group smiled at me and asked if I was alright. I explained my story to them and they said “Well you can walk with us, we just want to finish this thing we don’t care about the time.” Then I started to talk to my new friends from Seattle. The  one had a son that passed away from lukemia and  she was running the race for him the other lady lost a mother to the disease. They were still smiling, they were just so happy to be there, to be apart of this race.

They became my motivation to finish.

In pain I began to power walk. I left my new friends and said “see ya at the finish line.” The last 2 kilometers felt as if it stretched for miles. I knew that I had long gone past my 2hour 30 minuite finishing goal, but I was just greatful at this point that I finsihed the race.

I crossed the finish line at 3:13:56 almost 45 minuties longer than my goal. But I crossed the finish line with a smile. I felt lucky. I have so much to be greatful for, finishing the race longer than predicted did not matter anymore. What mattered is that I looked past my “failure” and found the greatness in realizing that I did not fail….only that I finished in a different way as I thought I would.

Oink, Oink, my friends………

 

Origninal blog post found at https://jbingham82.wordpress.com

May 4, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

21km away from a dream

I am right now 21km away from a dream, a goal that I set for myself way back in fridgid November. The goal was to participate and run in a half-marathon. I am just over two weeks from this goal and I am, in short scared shitless.

I have done what I could. Trained properly, listened to my body and the limits it has showed me but still I am horrified that I will once again be plagued with injuries and will hobbile not run across that finish line.

Those who know me know that I have become obbessed with physical fitness, and running but what those people don’t know is that running this race is consuming every thought of every moment of my little life.

Even my subconsious mind is affraid, I have nightmares of not finishing the race, or finishing weak, or of failing to show up at all. This fear I have now come to realize is the only barrier between my goal of completeing the run in less than 2 and a half hours and to failing.

I am conusmed with two numbers, the 21km that I must run and my goal time of 2 hours 30minuties. Anything more than that goal will be utter and complete dissapointment.

So now I wait.

I wait for that 7am run, and to see which part of me will win….

 

My subconscious fears or my determination to kick the shit out of that 21km and it’s 2hour30min goal.

 

Oink, Oink my friends……

 

Orgninal post located at: https://jbingham82.wordpress.com

April 13, 2009 Posted by | Motivation | , , , , | Leave a comment

Living is a gift.

 Living is a gift. No matter what god you pray to, or what scientific theory  you believe of how us humans came to be; life is a gift, but more importantly it is a privilege.

 

Life is a gift that most of us take for granted. We go about our normal lives, our  day-to-day lives and yet most of us have no regard of what a privilege life is. We don’t realize how amazing it is, how much of a gift it is to see others that we love live their lives.

 

It is only when something happens to us that challenges this notion of life that makes us appreciate how privileged we are to be living, and to be surrounded by others doing the same simple thing, Living their lives.

 

Death is something that no one talks about, and something that no one truly respects. The notion of Death is something that lives somewhere buried in our subconscious, it is something that don’t want to think about. Death takes life away, it essentially takes this gift away. I have had many people in my 26 years of living  pass away, I have had to deal with Death, face that part of our existence head on. My own mortality has been tested a few times, I have come close to death, come close to that final frontier, that final step to our existence. I will tell you this, it was far more easier being faced with death myself than to watch others I love come close to it, or die themselves.

 

Our gift of life was given to us long ago, as our bipedal human legs stretched across that African Savannah about 2 million years ago. The gift of life is something that we all take for granted. We do not realize just how fast that gift can be taken away, how in one single moment it can be taken from the grips of our hands, and how fast it can be taken from the people that we love.

 

We are in the end blind. We are blind not only to our own mortality but the mortality of people around us. Even with all of our knowledge that our society has obtained throughout our evolutionary history, and even with fantastic medical breakthroughs that we hold in our hands, we and people around us  cannot stop Death.

 

To this I say Live your life. Live if not only for yourself but for the people who love you. Don’t take meaningless chances with your life; respect the gift that you have been given. We should all be holding our lives in our hand as if we were holding fine 18th century china. We need to cherish not only our own lives but the lives of people around you. Don’t argue with people over pointless things, don’t start arguments that are meaningless. Don’t ever leave your loved ones without letting them know that you love them, and how much they mean to you.

 

I now more then ever appreciate the gift that was given to me long ago. I appreciate life. I appreciate the joy that it brings.  I am gifted with this appreciation in the same way that I was gifted with my own life.

 

Oink, Oink My friends…..

March 26, 2009 Posted by | Motivation, Plateaus, Success, Uncategorized | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Quotes that have and still inspire me.

I have had a little bit of writers block lately, I have had trouble with what I should  write about on this blog so I figured the best way to get it “unblocked” was to go back to the beginning, go back to where my inspiration comes from, my favourite quotes…………

 

“The Miracle isn’t that I finished, The miracle is that I had the courage to start”

 

                         -There is so much truth in this quote. Starting anything is the hardest part, finishing

                           Is the easiest.

 

 

“Jealousy works the opposite way you want it to”

 

                          -This is true, being jealous only feeds the negative person that lies within you, the person

                            That you want to get rid of.

 

 

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” –Plato

 

                           -Plato, can’t argue with the man.

 

 

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” –Plato

 

 

“Your body is your only vessel, fuel it wisely.”

 

 

 

 I have a few ideas for next week, Iam sure that I will have alot to say by then….

 

Oink, Oink my friends…….

March 19, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Ghosts of a Previous life.

No matter how I try. No matter how far I get away from my previous negative lifestyle, I am forced on a daily basis to face Ghosts of my previous life. They exist in many forms, come to me when I don’t expect them but they are there, haunting me, taunting me, trying to pull me back towards them, back towards my previous fat life.

 

I am not perfect. There has been many things that I have done in my life that I have not been proud of, people I have hurt for no reason other than to make myself feel superior, better, people who I made fun of who were fatter than I was all in an attempt to mask my own fatness. When I look back on my life before now, at that sad girl that turned into a women somewhere along the way, it makes me sad, but most of all it scares the shit out of me. I am scared that one day, somewhere in the future I will go back to binge eating, and gaining weight. I am scared that for whatever reason that I will go back to the previous Piggy and that I will find myself back to being that fat kid in school, or that person that laughs at everything, the person that makes fun of herself before others can. I guess this is normal. I guess it is a normal feeling to have.

 

Every temptation that I give into I feel guilt, as if I have done something wrong. Every workout that I miss I feel like I have failed, fearful because I have reached a healthy weight now and maybe I will get too comfortable, stop working out and gain it all back.

 

I fear the 21km that I am going to run in May. The Half Marathon that I will attempt again. I am scared, actually no horrified that when I again reach that 13km mark I will get injured like in my past runs, and that I will fail to reach my goal. I fear that more than anything else right now. The ghosts of previous runs, previous failures are consuming my mind.

 

The ghost of no self-worth enjoys scaring me now and then, recently more than ever. I don’t even know what size I am, I am constantly buying larger clothes so  I don’t know how to shop for my body. Even when I do find clothes that fit, and know they look good, my insecurities about my stomach area rears it’s ugly head. I am forced to face that ghost, the past insecure me. I don’t like her, I hate her, but she is sometimes still there, she still exists.

 

 

I could tell you that these ghosts are “Nothing” but that would be a lie, that would not be the truth. They are something, and I hate to be the one to break it to you but they will follow you throughout your whole life. They will. They still follow me. They always will.

 

Now don’t think that I am this little helpless person still because I am not. I am the most confident in myself, the way that I look, everything in my life. I am for the first time in my 26 years of living on this  little planet happy, truly happy. I am in a great place right now, but sometimes these thoughts, these insecurities, these ghosts haunt me, I have no control over them or where they choose to rear there heads.

 

I can tell you this though. These ghosts of your past, these memories, these insecurities are actually a good thing. You can count on them to be your constant reminder of what you use to be. They are the only thing that will keep you in check. They are your fat reminder, essentially your fat alarm clock, they are necessary to make sure that you do not fall into your past life. Painful as they are, they are the things that push you forward and make sure that you do not fall back.

 

Oink, Oink my friends……

 

Original post found at: https://jbingham82.wordpress.com

 

March 13, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Deny yourself the battle to win the war.

“The true nature of a man is determined in the battle between his conscious and subconscious mind, and that the evil that exists in your subconscious mind is sometimes too strong to resist. The only way to win is to deny it battle.”

This quote sums up weight loss. There is nothing that I could say; nothing that I could write  could sum up your impending battle with weight as well as this quote can. You right now, at this moment in your life are going through the same processes as people who battle drug, mental and other addictions. You are no different. Your battle is no different.

That quote is the only truth that I can offer you right now. You will face a great many battles in your journey and each one will take you further away from your current negative lifestyle. You will have to battle negative people, you will have to distance yourself from a previous comfortable lifestyle, you will essentially have to let go of the previous you. More importantly  though, you will have to find a new you, to move forward you must change yourself and your image in which you see  yourself, not only on the outside but on the inside as well.

I can’t tell you how, I can’t tell you when, I can only tell you that you must. In order to move forward you must change the old you, you must change the way you think about you.

The old piggy.

I was my greatest barrier to losing weight, I didn’t realize it then but looking back I do realize it now. The reason why I had failed so many times was because of myself, I can blame no one else for this. My mind was my greatest barrier, until I decided that I would no longer allow it to consume me.  Throughout my life I would  over think everything. I would constantly care about what people thought about me. I would  consume myself with caring how other people viewed me. I allowed myself, my mind to battle itself. I  and no one else allowed the battle to happen, I essentially fired the first shot. If I had not cared what other people thought, my journey through weight loss would have been easier. I consumed myself with over thinking and over analyzing  what negative people thought about me, I would not want to work out in public because I would think people would be saying “why is that fatty working out”, I would not want to go shopping because I would be fearful of the glares that other people would give me as I stepped out of the change room with all of my fat showing.  I would think every moment of every day of my fat life that I was not good enough, that I was sub-standard because of my fat. In reality these negative people didn’t care, this battle that I chose to fight with them was all in my mind. It was a process that I chose to under go, a battle that I chose to fight, until one day I refused to care what  other people another thought about me. I refused the battle, turned around and walked away.

    

     Piggys Advice

     My advice comes from someone who has been where you are. My words come from someone who has battled my mind my whole life. If you deny yourself the battle, if you place this energy towards something else, something positive you will win your own war. You will be denying yourself a battle that is in the end pointless to fight. There are no winners in the battle of the mind. There is no good outcome. Just stop caring what other people think of you, stop caring what others want you to be. Consume yourself with positive thoughts; force your mind to focus on the good things, the positive things. The more positive you are the more, the bitterness that you choose to let go of, the more you will prevail.

 

     This blog is an example of how I deny my mind this battle. I piss people off on a daily basis with this blog, for whatever reason some people find my bluntness, my honesty sometimes offense. Perhaps it is because I am slapping them in the face with a reality that they did not want to face. Or perhaps they are offended with me because I am saying things that people never say, I am calling them out on their crap. This blog  is a direct reflection of how I no longer care what people think. I no longer care if people will get offended, it makes me laugh, makes me smile that I am capable of evoking that much emotion out of someone. Now don’t get me wrong there were causalities along the way, there were friends that I have “lost” because they couldn’t deal with the new me. I could have fought for them, made this blog a little bit nicer so that everyone would be happy, so that I would be liked. But to do this would give in to a battle that I promised myself long ago I wouldn’t fight.

Here’s the key my pudgy friends…………..

The more you battle, the more you let the thoughts of others consume you and your mind; the more of yourself you will loose, and the harder it will be to find the true you, the awesome you, the real you.

 

Oink, Oink my friends….

 

 

Original entry found at:  https://jbingham82.wordpress.com

 

March 11, 2009 Posted by | Motivation, Success, Uncategorized | 1 Comment

The need to look great in my “Birthday Suit”

 

I want to look good naked.

 

What?!?!?!?

 

What did you just say?!?!??!!?

 

Yup.

 

I- WANT- TO- LOOK- GOOD- NAKED.

 

      When I started my weight loss journey I wanted to get healthier, then when I was taken off my heart, blood pressure, and cholesterol medication then after that I wanted to get fitter and to be able to run a Half marathon properly. Now, at the end of my journey I just want one simple thing, to look good naked. When I say naked I mean  but-ass, birthday suit, “I feel a draft” NAKED.

 

     Now I am not saying that I want to have abs of steal, or even buns that would crush a rock, just that I want to stand in front of my mirror in my bedroom and say “Yup, I would DO me.” I don’t know why all of a sudden I want this, I am in a great relationship where I am respected and appreciated regardless of my size or shape, but I just want to do this for me.

 

My problem area

 

        Now everyone has there problem area, or as I like to call them “wobbly bits” that they hate. Some people hate their ass, while others think they have army tanks for thighs. For me it has, is, and always will be my stomach. All the women in my family tend to carry their weight in their stomachs, and although I have lost a substantial amount of weight and inches around my waist (12inches/ 1 foot has shrunk around my waist) I am still a little bit self-conscious about this area of my body. This is where ALL of my last 15 pounds live, I am fine with every other part of my body except for this one; my stomach, my flabby, fat, stomach.

     Let’s face facts; you can’t hate the way that your whole body looks. THERE IS PARTS OF YOUR BODY YOU DO LIKE. You need to find these parts, embrace these parts before you can fix your problem area. You must realize that some of you is fat, but that some other parts of you are great. For example, I have a great rack, (large boobs) and an (so I have been told) nice ass. I know this, so I don’t feel like I am a complete ugly fatty. Even though I have made major strides in self-confidence  with the “I am awesome attitude” I do realize that certain people don’t think this way about themselves and I respect that. But you need to find it, you need to take a good look at yourself and find the things that you like.

          

What you see VS. What is reality.

 

  Many people suffer from “body warping” meaning that they are one thing, and yet they see another. For example, my stomach. Every shirt that I wear I see it even though it is not as noticeable in all of them. I see my stomach larger than it actually is, I see myself larger than I actually am. To get over this I recommend that you do this;  Get out a washable marker, and stand against a white door. Stand there naked or in tight clothes and get someone to draw your ACTUAL outline on the door. Step back and take a look at it. Take a look at what you actually are, then draw with another color marker what you would like to fix  essentially draw  your new shape, draw your goal. You will be amazed how big or small you actually are. Just like you faced the numbers on the scale face this, accept this, and then move on.

 

 

I WANT TO STOP HIDING.

 

Yes, let those words ring out my friends. I don’t know about you but this piggy wants to stop hiding. I want to stop hiding behind baggy clothes, I want to stop hiding behind jackets. In the end I want to stand in front of my mirror and look good, actually no, GREAT naked. I want to look at myself, at every curve, every mark, every inch of me and feel great. This is by far the hardest part of my journey. It is the most frustrating part. I am lucky, I have surrounded myself with people who want to see me be achieve my best, I have essentially surrounded myself with people who are  pushing me towards this new goal.

 

Oink, Oink my friends…………..

 

March 9, 2009 Posted by | Motivation, Success, weight loss | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

When a mile takes an hour.

 I am privileged to know a girl , actually a women, about 40ish. She is un-like most people, she is a genuinely  kind person. Like most people her age, she has  children who has recently left her nest. She was left with herself,  an apartment, and a dog. She however, was and still continues to be, an inspiration to myself and anyone else who will read this.

 

Her story:

               She was a fellow fatty, like me but a bit heavier, she was bubbly on the outside and hurting on the inside. Like most fat people she was great at hiding her sorrow, she buried it within the fat. Then one day, about 2 years ago I noticed that she was getting a little bit smaller. Then months after that she had shrunk more, until one day she was about half her original size. She had over come a negative lifestyle and had embraced a positive one. She did not diet. She did not follow any “fad” exercise regime. She just simply moved her pudgy body, until it was no more.

               Her physical changes were great, she was looking better and because of this (or so I could only assume) her attitude changed. The laughter that was generated from her, the smiles that now consumed the majority part of her face was real. Don’t ask me how I know this, Don’t ask me what the difference in her was but I can only tell you that she WAS now different, she was now better, she was now real.

              I am a person that talks and talks and talks and talks (thus the blog) and one day while chatting with this friend, I told her about the Half marathon that I was training for, we began talking about it.  I filled her in, how great it was to stand with my fellow runners and walkers and do what only a select few people can do. I told her about that crazy part of society that pushes their bodies to the limits all for a t-shirt and a metal at the end. I also shared with her that indescribable feeling of crossing the finish line, the sense of accomplishment you are given at the end, your real reward for running or walking the 21 km. She then looked at me “Piggy, I couldn’t run it” I then looked at back at her “ Then walk it” She then got excited, I could see it,  a fire was now lit underneath her, she now had a goal to work towards.

 

       She now walks to work, with arm weights in her back pack and every time I see her leave work, she is leaving with a smile. A smile that was generated for herself by herself. She is doing what most people don’t do, she has what most people don’t have, she is her own gift, she is her own accomplishment.

 

     She plans to walk the 21km and wants to complete it in 3 hours, but to her I say this…..Even if One mile takes you an hour to complete, even if you crawl across that finish line on May 3rd , no matter where life takes you or what new goals you set for yourself,  you will always be 21km  ahead of everyone else.

 

    

 

Oink, Oink my friends……..

 

 

March 7, 2009 Posted by | Motivation, Success | , , , , , , | 2 Comments