Piggy’s little Blog

Don’t lie to youself you are fat.

Finding a reason to train….

If you, like I did at one time have decided to take up running, swimming or just physical fitness then find yourself a reason to do so because if you do not find a reason, you will fail.

It is true.

You will fail.

My best half marathon time was logged in at 2:46, this personal best was achieved at the Royal Victoria Marathon in 2006 when I was running the race in memory of my grandmother and grandfather. This reason, the decision to run it for them motivated me to contunie through the tough training days, it gave me the motavation to hobble my way across the finsh line even though I was injured. And at the end it gave me a gratification that I was doing something for them, it was in the end 21km of memories.

Now your reason dose not have to be profound, just give yourself some sort of motivation to move forward, your body can only do half of the work, your mind will be your greatest barrier in achieving your goals. Finding a reason to train, something personal to you and only to you will push your legs that extra mile, give you that extra push when you feel you can’t go on….

 

Oink, Oink my friends…

 

orgnial blog post found at https://jbingham82.wordpress.com

May 13, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , | 1 Comment

Finding greatness in your “failures”

On May 3rd 2009 I laced up my shoes, stood beside the crowds on a great sunny Sunday Morning that only the city of Vancouver can offer, and stood at the start line of the 2009 Vancouver Half Marathon. This was not my first marathon, in fact it was my third. I stood there, beside that crazy part of society that pushes the human body to itsouter most limits just because they enjoy the sport of running.

This marathon was important to me. I, for months had decided that I would like to finish the 21km distance in under 2 hours and 30 minuites. I was instant on this time, for some strange reason this time was so very very important to me, somehow acheiveing this time would validate me as a runner, finally validate myself as an athlete.

I was properly trained for the run, I had put in the kilometers on my treadmill that I need to put in, lost weight that I needed to loose to get my body in better shape to run the 21km distance. I was ready, and focused. Then out of no where, a leg injury prevented me from running 2 weeks prior to the run. This pain plagued me, every time I walked it hurt. I was mad, I could not believe that after all my hard work and training that this stupid injury would prevent me from acheiving my goal. My very important goal. In the days leading up to the run my leg started to feel better, then the worst possible thing happened. I got sick. Fever, coughing, sweating when its 5 degrees out, sick. I could barely walk up a flight of stairs without coughing up a lung, and all of this happend 2 days before the run.

So, I thought about not doing the run. Giving in to the sickness, the pains in my leg. Then I decided to do it. And at the start line I stood, hacking up a lung but I was standing there. After all my hours of training, I had earned the right to run this race, I had earned the right to run.

The beinging 5km was alright. I was coughing, and breathing became a problem because I was all stuffed up. I saw my boyfriend and sister at this point and seeing their faces gave me the motivation to move forward, to finish the rest of the 15km. I was already tired, and the finish line seemed like it was 18 milllion miles away. I started to feel dizzy, the effects of dehydration started to kick in at about the 8km mark.

And then it happend….

My greatest fear …….

My “IT band” which is a muscle that runs from your knee to your upper thigh snapped at the 10km mark and my leg locked up. I could not bend my leg, I could not do anything. A person working a first aid stand pulled me aside and asked me if I was alright, I said yes. He said it would not be advisble to finish the race, that I wouldn’t be able to run it. He patted me on the back, said good luck and away I went hobbling towards a distant finish line.

At that point I wanted to quit. I was in so much pain, so stuffed up, and coughing constantly basically I wanted to quit. I wanted to just leave the race. I started walking, I could no longer run. I was in tears, after all my hard work, after all the weight I had lost I had now failed. I felt horrible.

So I hobbled a kilometer and my leg started to losen up a bit, when 3 ladies who were memebers of the “team in training” group smiled at me and asked if I was alright. I explained my story to them and they said “Well you can walk with us, we just want to finish this thing we don’t care about the time.” Then I started to talk to my new friends from Seattle. The  one had a son that passed away from lukemia and  she was running the race for him the other lady lost a mother to the disease. They were still smiling, they were just so happy to be there, to be apart of this race.

They became my motivation to finish.

In pain I began to power walk. I left my new friends and said “see ya at the finish line.” The last 2 kilometers felt as if it stretched for miles. I knew that I had long gone past my 2hour 30 minuite finishing goal, but I was just greatful at this point that I finsihed the race.

I crossed the finish line at 3:13:56 almost 45 minuties longer than my goal. But I crossed the finish line with a smile. I felt lucky. I have so much to be greatful for, finishing the race longer than predicted did not matter anymore. What mattered is that I looked past my “failure” and found the greatness in realizing that I did not fail….only that I finished in a different way as I thought I would.

Oink, Oink, my friends………

 

Origninal blog post found at https://jbingham82.wordpress.com

May 4, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

21km away from a dream

I am right now 21km away from a dream, a goal that I set for myself way back in fridgid November. The goal was to participate and run in a half-marathon. I am just over two weeks from this goal and I am, in short scared shitless.

I have done what I could. Trained properly, listened to my body and the limits it has showed me but still I am horrified that I will once again be plagued with injuries and will hobbile not run across that finish line.

Those who know me know that I have become obbessed with physical fitness, and running but what those people don’t know is that running this race is consuming every thought of every moment of my little life.

Even my subconsious mind is affraid, I have nightmares of not finishing the race, or finishing weak, or of failing to show up at all. This fear I have now come to realize is the only barrier between my goal of completeing the run in less than 2 and a half hours and to failing.

I am conusmed with two numbers, the 21km that I must run and my goal time of 2 hours 30minuties. Anything more than that goal will be utter and complete dissapointment.

So now I wait.

I wait for that 7am run, and to see which part of me will win….

 

My subconscious fears or my determination to kick the shit out of that 21km and it’s 2hour30min goal.

 

Oink, Oink my friends……

 

Orgninal post located at: https://jbingham82.wordpress.com

April 13, 2009 Posted by | Motivation | , , , , | Leave a comment

Quotes that have and still inspire me.

I have had a little bit of writers block lately, I have had trouble with what I should  write about on this blog so I figured the best way to get it “unblocked” was to go back to the beginning, go back to where my inspiration comes from, my favourite quotes…………

 

“The Miracle isn’t that I finished, The miracle is that I had the courage to start”

 

                         -There is so much truth in this quote. Starting anything is the hardest part, finishing

                           Is the easiest.

 

 

“Jealousy works the opposite way you want it to”

 

                          -This is true, being jealous only feeds the negative person that lies within you, the person

                            That you want to get rid of.

 

 

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” –Plato

 

                           -Plato, can’t argue with the man.

 

 

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” –Plato

 

 

“Your body is your only vessel, fuel it wisely.”

 

 

 

 I have a few ideas for next week, Iam sure that I will have alot to say by then….

 

Oink, Oink my friends…….

March 19, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Ghosts of a Previous life.

No matter how I try. No matter how far I get away from my previous negative lifestyle, I am forced on a daily basis to face Ghosts of my previous life. They exist in many forms, come to me when I don’t expect them but they are there, haunting me, taunting me, trying to pull me back towards them, back towards my previous fat life.

 

I am not perfect. There has been many things that I have done in my life that I have not been proud of, people I have hurt for no reason other than to make myself feel superior, better, people who I made fun of who were fatter than I was all in an attempt to mask my own fatness. When I look back on my life before now, at that sad girl that turned into a women somewhere along the way, it makes me sad, but most of all it scares the shit out of me. I am scared that one day, somewhere in the future I will go back to binge eating, and gaining weight. I am scared that for whatever reason that I will go back to the previous Piggy and that I will find myself back to being that fat kid in school, or that person that laughs at everything, the person that makes fun of herself before others can. I guess this is normal. I guess it is a normal feeling to have.

 

Every temptation that I give into I feel guilt, as if I have done something wrong. Every workout that I miss I feel like I have failed, fearful because I have reached a healthy weight now and maybe I will get too comfortable, stop working out and gain it all back.

 

I fear the 21km that I am going to run in May. The Half Marathon that I will attempt again. I am scared, actually no horrified that when I again reach that 13km mark I will get injured like in my past runs, and that I will fail to reach my goal. I fear that more than anything else right now. The ghosts of previous runs, previous failures are consuming my mind.

 

The ghost of no self-worth enjoys scaring me now and then, recently more than ever. I don’t even know what size I am, I am constantly buying larger clothes so  I don’t know how to shop for my body. Even when I do find clothes that fit, and know they look good, my insecurities about my stomach area rears it’s ugly head. I am forced to face that ghost, the past insecure me. I don’t like her, I hate her, but she is sometimes still there, she still exists.

 

 

I could tell you that these ghosts are “Nothing” but that would be a lie, that would not be the truth. They are something, and I hate to be the one to break it to you but they will follow you throughout your whole life. They will. They still follow me. They always will.

 

Now don’t think that I am this little helpless person still because I am not. I am the most confident in myself, the way that I look, everything in my life. I am for the first time in my 26 years of living on this  little planet happy, truly happy. I am in a great place right now, but sometimes these thoughts, these insecurities, these ghosts haunt me, I have no control over them or where they choose to rear there heads.

 

I can tell you this though. These ghosts of your past, these memories, these insecurities are actually a good thing. You can count on them to be your constant reminder of what you use to be. They are the only thing that will keep you in check. They are your fat reminder, essentially your fat alarm clock, they are necessary to make sure that you do not fall into your past life. Painful as they are, they are the things that push you forward and make sure that you do not fall back.

 

Oink, Oink my friends……

 

Original post found at: https://jbingham82.wordpress.com

 

March 13, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , | Leave a comment

The need to look great in my “Birthday Suit”

 

I want to look good naked.

 

What?!?!?!?

 

What did you just say?!?!??!!?

 

Yup.

 

I- WANT- TO- LOOK- GOOD- NAKED.

 

      When I started my weight loss journey I wanted to get healthier, then when I was taken off my heart, blood pressure, and cholesterol medication then after that I wanted to get fitter and to be able to run a Half marathon properly. Now, at the end of my journey I just want one simple thing, to look good naked. When I say naked I mean  but-ass, birthday suit, “I feel a draft” NAKED.

 

     Now I am not saying that I want to have abs of steal, or even buns that would crush a rock, just that I want to stand in front of my mirror in my bedroom and say “Yup, I would DO me.” I don’t know why all of a sudden I want this, I am in a great relationship where I am respected and appreciated regardless of my size or shape, but I just want to do this for me.

 

My problem area

 

        Now everyone has there problem area, or as I like to call them “wobbly bits” that they hate. Some people hate their ass, while others think they have army tanks for thighs. For me it has, is, and always will be my stomach. All the women in my family tend to carry their weight in their stomachs, and although I have lost a substantial amount of weight and inches around my waist (12inches/ 1 foot has shrunk around my waist) I am still a little bit self-conscious about this area of my body. This is where ALL of my last 15 pounds live, I am fine with every other part of my body except for this one; my stomach, my flabby, fat, stomach.

     Let’s face facts; you can’t hate the way that your whole body looks. THERE IS PARTS OF YOUR BODY YOU DO LIKE. You need to find these parts, embrace these parts before you can fix your problem area. You must realize that some of you is fat, but that some other parts of you are great. For example, I have a great rack, (large boobs) and an (so I have been told) nice ass. I know this, so I don’t feel like I am a complete ugly fatty. Even though I have made major strides in self-confidence  with the “I am awesome attitude” I do realize that certain people don’t think this way about themselves and I respect that. But you need to find it, you need to take a good look at yourself and find the things that you like.

          

What you see VS. What is reality.

 

  Many people suffer from “body warping” meaning that they are one thing, and yet they see another. For example, my stomach. Every shirt that I wear I see it even though it is not as noticeable in all of them. I see my stomach larger than it actually is, I see myself larger than I actually am. To get over this I recommend that you do this;  Get out a washable marker, and stand against a white door. Stand there naked or in tight clothes and get someone to draw your ACTUAL outline on the door. Step back and take a look at it. Take a look at what you actually are, then draw with another color marker what you would like to fix  essentially draw  your new shape, draw your goal. You will be amazed how big or small you actually are. Just like you faced the numbers on the scale face this, accept this, and then move on.

 

 

I WANT TO STOP HIDING.

 

Yes, let those words ring out my friends. I don’t know about you but this piggy wants to stop hiding. I want to stop hiding behind baggy clothes, I want to stop hiding behind jackets. In the end I want to stand in front of my mirror and look good, actually no, GREAT naked. I want to look at myself, at every curve, every mark, every inch of me and feel great. This is by far the hardest part of my journey. It is the most frustrating part. I am lucky, I have surrounded myself with people who want to see me be achieve my best, I have essentially surrounded myself with people who are  pushing me towards this new goal.

 

Oink, Oink my friends…………..

 

March 9, 2009 Posted by | Motivation, Success, weight loss | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

When a mile takes an hour.

 I am privileged to know a girl , actually a women, about 40ish. She is un-like most people, she is a genuinely  kind person. Like most people her age, she has  children who has recently left her nest. She was left with herself,  an apartment, and a dog. She however, was and still continues to be, an inspiration to myself and anyone else who will read this.

 

Her story:

               She was a fellow fatty, like me but a bit heavier, she was bubbly on the outside and hurting on the inside. Like most fat people she was great at hiding her sorrow, she buried it within the fat. Then one day, about 2 years ago I noticed that she was getting a little bit smaller. Then months after that she had shrunk more, until one day she was about half her original size. She had over come a negative lifestyle and had embraced a positive one. She did not diet. She did not follow any “fad” exercise regime. She just simply moved her pudgy body, until it was no more.

               Her physical changes were great, she was looking better and because of this (or so I could only assume) her attitude changed. The laughter that was generated from her, the smiles that now consumed the majority part of her face was real. Don’t ask me how I know this, Don’t ask me what the difference in her was but I can only tell you that she WAS now different, she was now better, she was now real.

              I am a person that talks and talks and talks and talks (thus the blog) and one day while chatting with this friend, I told her about the Half marathon that I was training for, we began talking about it.  I filled her in, how great it was to stand with my fellow runners and walkers and do what only a select few people can do. I told her about that crazy part of society that pushes their bodies to the limits all for a t-shirt and a metal at the end. I also shared with her that indescribable feeling of crossing the finish line, the sense of accomplishment you are given at the end, your real reward for running or walking the 21 km. She then looked at me “Piggy, I couldn’t run it” I then looked at back at her “ Then walk it” She then got excited, I could see it,  a fire was now lit underneath her, she now had a goal to work towards.

 

       She now walks to work, with arm weights in her back pack and every time I see her leave work, she is leaving with a smile. A smile that was generated for herself by herself. She is doing what most people don’t do, she has what most people don’t have, she is her own gift, she is her own accomplishment.

 

     She plans to walk the 21km and wants to complete it in 3 hours, but to her I say this…..Even if One mile takes you an hour to complete, even if you crawl across that finish line on May 3rd , no matter where life takes you or what new goals you set for yourself,  you will always be 21km  ahead of everyone else.

 

    

 

Oink, Oink my friends……..

 

 

March 7, 2009 Posted by | Motivation, Success | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Mirror, Mirror On the wall…..

Mirrors.

Love them.

Hate them.

In any case they are everywhere. They are in the store window, when the sun hits it just right. They are in a calm lake that your eyes fall upon. Or they are simply just a thing that hangs in your bedroom, or bathroom. And no, Mirrors do not lie.

In any case they are everywhere. Everywhere you look, you are forced to look back at yourself. For some people they love it. These people, lets call them “the Lookers” come in all shapes and sizes. They are not just your tall, blond-haired nightmare- these people love what looks back at them.You know who they are, they are the people that want to make sure that every strand of hair is in it’s perfect place, make sure every eye lash is perfectly seperated. They want to see themselves because they are happy with the image that the mirror produces. They are happy with their own reflection.

Most of us however, hate mirrors. Most of us are envious of The lookers, and wish for that level of self-confidence.

For whatever reason, thin people, chubby people, most people just hate their refection. And when I say hate, I truly mean HATE-lets call these people, “The wishers”. These people look in the mirror or a reflection of themselves and wish that certain things were different. They wish their noses were smaller, ass a little less wide, whatever they wish, they wish it – and then look away from the reflection in discust.

I myself for most of my life was a wisher. I was part of the majority of society that hated what looked back at them, the wishers were my brothers and sisters. I wished that someone would just replace my body with a thinner more fit body. Wishing about something however I have now realized is only part of the battle. “Fait” has alot to do, you must give her a hand now and then. So my wishing friends, go on, wish. But wish for something that is attainable for yourself. Don’t wish to be something you know you could never be. Make the wish realistic.

Mirrors are not the enemy. Although many of us think that they are. Mirrors give us a glimpse of what we are, but more importantly they give us the motivation to become something that we want to be.

 

Oink, Oink my friends………..

March 6, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Building your own support system.

Losing weight is going to be one of the toughest things you will have to do in your life time.

It is a struggle of the mind, and body, and although you need to do it for yourself, and by yourself, you also need some type of support system to help you over come the various hurtles that you will face during this new time in your life.

Your Friends.

                             – We have already talked about how to, and what to do with Negative friends so I wont go in depth here about them. Just realize that your friends in every capacity are part of your support system. Most good  friends can read your face and tell if you are just a  little bit down. They are the people at the finish line of a race you have decided to run they essentially support you and your weight loss goals. Make sure that you have good friends. Make sure that they truley support you and your new lifestyle. They are the biggest part of any support system, and unlike your family you get to choose who you are friends with so choose wisley my friends, choose wisley.

 

Your Family.

                             -Families come like us they come in all shapes and sizes. Some are quite large, while others are very small. Either way your family is a very large part of your support system. This piggy has a great family, a mom who understands my weight loss struggle because she has had to go through it, A step-dad that does not put “junk” food into the house anymore because he knows it will tempt me too much, and a Sister who has always supported me in everything that I have done. I am basically lucky, and I realize  for whatever reason some people are not as lucky as I am, they lack that closeness with their family. You will need them though, so it’s time to get over whatever issues are keeping them at a distance from you and accept them back into you lives. Some of you may have children of various ages. They need to realize that just as they have leaned on you for the duration of their lives, you will find times in which you will now have to lean on them. If they live with you just remember that not only are you changing your own life, you are essentially changeing theirs. They must realize that no longer will there be late night runs to the local fast food joint, no longer will there be  a high amount of junk food in the house, they will have to realize that the old you is gone. The new you is here to stay, and that they, just like you, must embrace these postivie lifestyle changes for good, because they, like you  are not going away.

Your “Siggnificant Other”

                              -Your Husband, Wife, Boyfriend, Girlfriend, and Fiannces will all play A MAJOR ROLE in your weight loss success. I have heard so many excuses from wives, they say that their husbands are “allready thin so he can eat whatever he wants, when he wants it, so  I still buy him ‘his’ foods.” Let me knock some sense into that fat head of yours, being thin does not equal healthy. Some of these wives will do most of the grocery shopping (yes, I am being stero-typical right now), and will buy great foods for themselves, but will also buy junk food for their husbands. Ummmmm ?????????????????????? Are you kidding me? If you do this, you will fail. YOU WILL FAIL. The problem here is not that your husband dosen’t care, the problem here is that you don’t communicate with each other.  You have probably not told your husband or wife what it is that you are doing, what this means to you, they married you so therefore they love you, hell they even love the fat you. Communication is the key people. If you are not married and have a boyfriend or girlfriend make sure that they are aware of your struggles and how they can help you. In the end your siggnificant other should understand, respect, but most of all support you through your weight loss journey.

 

In the end you are changing yourself, so therefore your friends, family, and siggnificant others must change with you or at the very least respect the changes you want to make.

 

Oink, Oink my friends……….

March 5, 2009 Posted by | Success | , , , | Leave a comment

Stop being an Idiot, and face the number on the Scale.

145lbs, 189lbs, 240lbs…whatever your number is…it is just that, it is YOUR number and if you intend on losing your fat ass, then face that horrible, discusting, frightning number.

It’s simple.

Stop being a god damn Idiot and get your fat ass on to that little metal scale, tilt your head downward and look at that number, face that number, ACCEPT that number.

If you think that you are going to “lose” weight without knowing where it is that you are coming from, then let me tell you something that no one else will, you will continue to be fat. You will lose absolutly nothing, so you might as well go up to the nearest McDonalds cashier and face them instead.

So face that number on the scale. Just look at it.

I know that at first you go to yourself “Holy god damn crap, I can’t believe that I let myself get this fat” As you have noticed I don’t use the nice phrases “Chubby” or “overweight” I don’t sugar coat it….just let yourself have that moment that, “F*%&! I AM A FAT ASS….” moment. Losing weight is like dealing with any other addiction….if you don’t admit you are addicted, you will never over come your weight. Look at people who are addicted to alchocol…what is the first “step” it is admiting that you have a problem but your problem is not found at the end of a Jack Daniels bottle it is found at the bottom of a Doritos bag.

I am not perfect. It took me 26 years to fully accept that number on the scale and believe me it was a scary moment for me. I felt horrible, and at first I just said to myself “I am already this fat, what is the point” I had about a week of feeling horrible and constantly saying to myself “Holy shit I am 193lbs, I am huge” but the thing is, all that looking at that number did was make me face my fatness head on.I couldn’t hide behind a coat, a large sweat shirt or a baggy pair of jeans. I was simply discusted with myself and my weight long before I looked at that number on the scale, I hated reflections, shopping everything that would expose me for the fat person that I had let myself become.

I was scared to admit that I was fat. Perhaps it was that is where my problem with battling my weight always was, it was with the self denyal that I let myself believe for so many years. I would see a fatter person than myself and say “adleast I am not that fat” but in reality I was fat, and I didn’t want to face it.

So ladies, Gentleman….If you want to change your life then do it. But first change the way that you think about yourself. Change the way that you look at that scale. It is true that the scale can be your worst enemy but now I realize that it can also be something to hold onto, something to work for, something to be proud of.

Most people don’t tell you this….

They say that the best part of losing weight is getting into that great dress, or tight pair of jeans but they are wrong.

The best part of losing weight comes when you tilt your head down and see your new number on the scale, that pride and sense of accomplishment is what people don’t tell you, that is your prize, your reward…..it is knowing that where you came from, is not where you have to be anymore.

Oink, Oink my friends….

February 25, 2009 Posted by | The begining of Your Weight loss Jorney | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment